If you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning (or care to go back and read “The One With The Origin Story”) you’ll recall that I’ve had my struggles with self-confidence and weight as I’m sure many of you can relate. One of the things that really helped ignite my journey to fitness and weight loss was the regaining of my self-confidence. I had much like Stella (aka Angela Bassett) had, gotten my groove back though unfortunately Taye Diggs was not involved in my groove retrieval. It did however include the introduction of my own personal hunk to treat me right, make me feel like a natural woman, and various other Motown-esque puns. But this entry isn’t about how Meg got her groove back, as you’ve already gotten the cliff notes version of that. This post is to discuss how weight loss completely retooled my views on self-confidence.
My mom always raised me to be a “strong, independent woman who don’t need no man” which involved the watching of many films/tv shows with strong heroines (Buffy, Alien, Terminator 2, etc.). She taught me important life skills like how to change a tire and even make minor home repairs so that I would be able to do whatever I wanted on my own. She instilled a strong sense not only of independence but also confidence. When I was in my whiny teen years complaining about how I was unattractive and no one liked me she would look to me and say “I’m going to tell you exactly what my mother told me, I don’t have ugly children”. She made sure that I always knew I was special and deserved nothing but the best, especially when it came to the people I chose to spend my time with.
With a badass mom like this, how could I not have serious self-confidence?
After I lost my mom, I stumbled for a bit and lost a lot of my self-confidence while I was trapped in a less than ideal relationship and couldn’t find the way back to the right path. Once I got my groove back and found my self-confidence again I realized there was one thing holding me back, the only thing I was still truly self-conscious about was my weight. Now don’t get me wrong, I carried myself very confidently it was more of a deep seeded, personal concern. I had an amazing man in my life who gave me the self-confidence to want to make myself the best I could possibly be. Within the first month of consistently losing weight, I was losing my hang ups and beginning to hold myself with more confidence.
As the pounds continued to slowly fall off of me, I noticed subtle differences like how my posture was getting better. When I first started running, I would avoid making eye contact with the other people on the trail, but as I started to feel more confident in my running and myself I started smiling and waving at other runners. I was talking to the other people in my class, not sitting with my ear buds in until the professor started talking. My temporary introversion was slowly melting away and the long disappeared, extrovert Meg was finally back.
The biggest change I was noticing though, was how I shopped for clothes. In the past, I bought mostly black shirts to hide my “problem areas” but suddenly colors I had never considered were making their way into my wardrobe. I was comfortable wearing tank tops in public and not worried about people noticing my back rolls or how big my arms looked. I bought shorts that were shorter than mid-thigh, and didn’t care if they were tight on my thighs. I started dressing how I wanted, not how I thought other people would want to see me. When I started fitting into medium t-shirts for the first time since middle school, I really started feeling good. The day I tried one on and it fit, I almost cried I was so filled with pride of the progress I have made.
The Meg of 2014 summer always wore big T-shirts, now I wear tank tops for most of my workouts and sometimes just because I can.
These revelations in self-confidence extended beyond my wardrobe and how I carried myself though, I began having the confidence to take chances in the rest of my life. I started taking risks with my painting and having more confidence in my abilities. I had more zest for my business, and was trying out new designs. I was finding confidence in every aspect of my life and I owe it all to my weight loss and more importantly to Chris. If he hadn’t given me the confidence to start this journey and want to make myself better I don’t know where I would be now. I know it’s cheesy, but he means the world to me and I’m so thankful we found each other and he was up to the task of supporting me as I made such big changes for myself.
Chris really is so good to me, love you babe.