Reflecting on the past is something we all do, sometimes we moon over the good old days or recollect our sorrows. As a society we care so much about our past that we’ve invented 2 separate days to share our memories with the social media word- throwback Thursday and flashback Friday. One of the biggest proponents of reviewing our past has been the rise of the app “Timehop” which gives you a daily dose of all your social media posts on this day for multiple years, as far back as your social media history goes. Like many millennials, I used to spend a lot of my time posting on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram so my Timehop tends to be filled with gems.
As much as I enjoy cringing at the Facebook statuses an 18 year old Meg thought was worthy enough to share, after my weight loss journey it has provided me with a lot to ponder. On the days that I see pictures from 2-3 years ago I find myself wondering how much I ate that day and how I was feeling about myself at the time. Truthfully most of the time I know the answer is that I ate far too much and probably felt pretty sorry for myself. Sometimes I see posts about me trying to diet or getting back to the gym and how good it felt. I tried so many times before to improve myself- lose weight or get into better shape, and none of these attempts ever lasted longer than a couple weeks. I try to think about what it is that deterred me from achieving my health goals back then, how I could let one slip up get me off the wagon- so to speak.
January 3, 2013 – “Bought loads of veggies for what I’m calling the Healthy Initiative so that dieting sounds fun.” This lasted all of maybe 1 month.
The real explanation for why I never kept up or committed to health in the past is that I wasn’t in the right place mentally, and I didn’t have the support I needed. When I began this journey 20 months ago, I had the best possible support system. The love and support of a man who truly believed in me, a best friend/roommate in crazy good shape (despite never giving up cheese) to not only keep me on track but encourage me, a literal superwoman for a godmother who provided endless inspiration and support, and a whole community of losers (weight losers) on Reddit to keep me accountable.
However the wisdom I really want to share with all of my readers is the importance of being open and honest in weight loss. When I look back at those pictures of the overweight girl occasionally smiling uncomfortably, I’m reminded of the things that girl did to make herself feel better. To avoid judgement from that same supportive roommate, I would wait until after she was asleep to make myself 2 grilled cheeses and dip them in Thousand Island dressing while I watched Netflix and avoided going to sleep at a reasonable hour. I hid my body in baggy, mostly black t shirts and knee length shorts or jeans. I would hide the shame I felt about how I looked by burying my feelings down deep and distracting myself with excessive internet usage and binge watching television and movies. These days I still watch entirely too much TV and movies, but I consider myself a pop culture enthusiast so we’ll call that normal.
March 17, 2014 – This girl was very dishonest with herself about what she was eating and how she felt. But that girl is no longer!
I no longer hide anything, I mean I did make an entire blog dedicated to talking about me and my fitness journey and my feelings, blah blah blah. I record every calorie I eat to the best of my ability in MyFitnessPal. I wear dresses that show off my legs and tank tops that show off my linebacker sized shoulders and arms. I don’t keep my feelings bottled up for the most part (hey old habits die hard!) in that I consciously try to talk about the things that upset me and be honest with the people in my life.
This is by far the shortest dress I’ve ever owned, and I love the way it looks on me now! This skinny girl is very happy.
Losing weight and bettering yourself overall isn’t by any means easy, but it is a pursuit that’s truly worthwhile. While I may occasionally struggle to stick to my healthy lifestyle (Taco Bell I’m looking at you), I do my best to stay committed to being the best that I can be. Maybe someday you too will look back at your previous photos and think that you can’t even recognize the person you see and it’s not a bad thing. When I see that girl from even 2 years ago and realize I barely even remember what it was like to be her, I swell with pride in the woman I’ve become. With the existence of Timehop I’ll never truly forget the old Meg, but I will always look at her and know she would be proud of what I’ve done and how happy I am now.